Jealousy. Envy. Jealousy

That nasty, horrible, mortifying feeling we ought to have at least once in our life time.

 

“Enviousness. Envy and jealousy are very close in meaning.Envy denotes a longing to possess something awarded to or achieved by another: to feel envy when a friend inherits a fortune.Jealousy, on the other hand, denotes a feeling of resentment that another has gained something that one more rightfully deserves: to feel jealousy when a co worker receives a promotion. Jealousy also refers to anguish caused by fear of unfaithfulness. 4. resent.Envy, begrudge, covet refer to one's attitude toward the possessions or attainments of others. To envy is to feel resentful and unhappy because someone else possesses, or has achieved,what one wishes oneself to possess, or to have achieved: to envy the wealthy, a woman's beauty, an honest man's reputation.” –Dictionary.com :)

“Envy is the mud that failures throw at success”

There’s always that feeling of envy whenever we see something we want so bad. It can be as little as a bag or a piece of earrings, to something as big as life. Why do we have them? i mean, it feels awful! Looking at someone having the things you want just makes you go..rfgcierhfiuerhfierf. For example, I for one, am a not-so-smart person. I look to my right, I look to my left I see people doing better than me; way better.

 The feeling of envy comes out. The green eyed monster comes out to get me, and eats me alive.

I want that. I want their intelligence, compassion, leadership. I see all of the names that comes out on the academic excellence list; “what do they have that I don’t?” I ask myself. Willingness. That drive that makes them WANT to do a better job. Correction a GREAT job. When someone does something a heck of a lot better than me, I wish i hadn’t seen it. I wish i did better than them. Why? because that beastly feeling of envy overshadows my thinking, and for that one split second (ok…more than that) i don’t like them as much. That’s when the feeling of jealousy comes along. I know it’s not right for me to be jealous, because we all know that they most probably deserved it, but who doesn’t want to be better than other people?

Jealousy. Just like envy; we hate it. It overshadows everything that is logical. It screws up your mind, your way of thinking. It makes everything stupid and illogical. We mostly use the term jealousy in love and relationships (whether it’s about parents, bf, gf, friends). I honestly have never came across that feeling (well unless sibling jealousy; I've had that many many times) until recently, and BOY was it horrible! The things i had in mind was stab, stab, stab. No yank it’s hair off! 

I guess the reason why I wrote this post was that we can’t hide or run away from these feelings; were going to have them one way or another, wether it’s now or later in the future. And when you do have them, keep it to yourself and keep it in control, you don’t want to end up crazy like Annie Wilkes from Misery ;p

Do you know who your friends are?

There’s that one saying:
Le sort fait les parents, la choix fait les amis   -Jacques Delille

It means fate chooses our family, we choose our friends.

Well, what if your so called chosen family isn’t what he/she says they are? I mean the whole friendship thing is supposed to be easy. You’re supposed to know them. Care about them. Love them as they are your own family. In this modern world of ours, we no longer see friends as family; we just see them as people we know.

So what ever happened to “a friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him, I may think aloud.” ?? Now it’s all “keep your friends close, enemies closer.” It’s like you don’t even know who you’re true friends are anymore.

I would say i have many friends. Correction. I have a lot of friends. Not just here, but in other places countries all over the world. Friends in this context would be: people i know. How about friends: chosen family? I could honestly say, it’s as small as the number of people that could fit into a van. I classify them by how we interact with each other and how we know each other. These wonderful friends of mine, whom i can proudly say “My chosen family”, are one of the best thing that has ever happened to me. These are the people who I can say “I know them” and mean it. I could honestly say they’re my chosen family because i know them. I know:

• Their tone of voice. I could just listen and tell who the person is
• Their different laughs
• The way they walk, or for some, strut :)
• The way their faces change when they lie
• The different smiles they have
• The different facial expressions they often use
• The way they communicate with other people
• The way they handle different situations
• When they’re hiding something
• Their eating habits
• Their view on love (love as in friends, food, family, pets etc)
• And most of all I know them for who they truly are

Even though not all of them fit into this category, my chosen family ticks most of the points above. They’re the people who i want to share my whole life with –till death do us part.

For those other friends, i still like them, but not as i love my chosen family. The “people i know” friends; they are the ones who we know, but not the ones we often pay attention to. They are the ones who have a secret life behind the mask they wear. They are the ones who won’t tell us what is happening in their life. Their the ones who won’t let go of their fear of being close to others. These are the people who, I'm afraid to say, i don’t know them; not as well as my “family”.  If these people would just step it up a notch, god knows how many true friends they would have.

I guess my point here is that most of the people aren’t what they say they are; even your friends. So  if you have spare time in your hands, think again; Do you know who your friends are? Re-evaluate your friendship; are they what they say the are? If you have a friend who won’t tell you anything about them, think again; do you want them to be your friend? even if it’s just “friend: people you know”?

 

So long,

ARJanuarisya <3

Future Career

A doctor. An astronaut. A vet. A teacher. The president.

WRONG.

Those are the  dreams we had when we were little kids; and by little i mean supeeeeeeeeeer young. The old, naive, foolish, version of ourselves. But hey, there are people who actually strive to get their dreams come true… and i’m not one of those peeps. I honestly can’t remember what i wanted to be when i was young and naive, i don’t even know what i want to do now. (a spy!!)

Journalist.
Well i want to be a journalist. Sort of. As you can see I'm not that good of a writer, I'm a B+ English student. not even an A :( However i still want to be a journalist. Not much of the writer type, but more of the reporter, tv anchor, documentarist (is that even a  word, idts) ..aaand i still have to be able to write a great piece of some type of writing genre. –ok i don’t think i’m making much sense now- I want to be able to investigate the real problems happening in our non-perfect world, and present them to people, VIEWERS! and tell them “Look at what’s happening!” I want to sneak around, get assignments to expose some type of conspiracy theory. Ah! the joy of being a journalist :) Sadly, i’m pretty sure, my school grades aren’t going to help me to do a course in journalism. OP 4. OP 4!! i’m not that smart, heck, i’m even smart at all, i just have the drive to do it, THE PASSION! I can smell the victory of exposing a scandal. :D *sigh*  I’m not naive anymore, i know i can’t get any future in journalism (mum wont let me  ), but i can still have a sneak peek of it, that’s why i’m attending the “Careers that shape our world” at UQ.

On other reason is because my parents won’t let me. They can see the big picture, they know i’m not one of those bright asians (lol) so they don’t expect me to do that kind of job. aaaaand they also know that in a western (Aus) country, people would choose a caucasian anytime over an asian, to put on the tv screen (local channels). PFFSSSSH DAMN YOU FTV PPL!! Meh, who cares. If i do pursue this career, i’d get an awesome job at SBS or Nat. geo or one of thos tv cable shows where they accept non-white people! eat that wonderbreads!

Environmentalist.
Another thing i would really like to do is pursue something in environmental management. Either a conservationist or sustainable planning. I still don’t know what to choose, outdoors in the wild working with mother nature, or stay in a office? hmm…. i think i’d rather be outdoors, but then i always picture myself in a working suit. hahaha  anywho i want to be able to save endangered flora and fauna’s, protect the earth, and prevent people from making it into a ball of nothingness. Why do people do bad things to mother nature? when mother nature strikes back, no one likes it,  so be good to it :) Another reason why i would like to pursue this career is, it’s something not out of my league (i think). OP 12. I can get atleast a 12 right? sigh, i hope so. but i want that single digit OP. amin :)

Maybe, i can even combine my passion for journalism and environment together. Work for discovery channel, nat.geography, anhijmal planet, or anything that relates to journalism and environmental science really. hmmm…that would be an awesome job :) aaaah i’m dreaming away. GET BACK TO EARTH, NOW!

Well, that concludes my session of blabbing on about my undecided future career. (HELP!)
i shall leave you to your awesome time on this wondrous worldwide web :) adieu






i still want to be a….

 

 

 

 

SPY